Friday, 12 September 2008
“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”. Author Anna Quindlen
I read this tonight and my heart pretty much broke. It seems recently that their has been so much tragedy and it affects me. Even those people that I don't know personally, I feel for them. For their families, for their children.
I want my family to know how much they mean to me.....I hope that my family, my kids, my husband knows how I feel. If something were to happen to me I would want them to not live wondering how I felt about them.
I want to say, to be, to portray the kind of mother, person, I am. I don't want to live with regret that i didn't do enough.
I want to remember everything.....how they sound as sweet little babies, to how they talk as precious four year old to the sassy preteen. I am so scared of forgetting these things. I know I already have forgotten so many things and it breaks my heart.
Each one of my babies I have held and thought, that surely I wouldn't forget how they smell, how they look and how they feel in my arms...... I can hardly remember those moments. It is so so sad to me. I always thought the 'baby' stages of my life were going to be the longest, but I am finding out how really quickly they pass.
I am so grateful for such a beautiful family and I love my babies so much. I am going to try harder to record my life's joys. The silly, the obnoxious, the crazy things we do. All I want is the best for us, and I want them to know how I feel about them.
Ugh, the ache that I am feeling right now, is so incredible......If I died today would they know?? Would this little blog be enough for them? Have I written enough about them, about my feelings for them, about my feelings in general?? I am good on the whole sarcastic thing....I pretty much have that down. :) I just hope that that isn't all I have.
I do know for sure that I am extremely blessed and lucky to have the life I live.