Friday, 12 September 2008

Blessed......


“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less”. Author Anna Quindlen

I read this tonight and my heart pretty much broke. It seems recently that their has been so much tragedy and it affects me. Even those people that I don't know personally, I feel for them. For their families, for their children.
I want my family to know how much they mean to me.....I hope that my family, my kids, my husband knows how I feel. If something were to happen to me I would want them to not live wondering how I felt about them.
I want to say, to be, to portray the kind of mother, person, I am. I don't want to live with regret that i didn't do enough.

I want to remember everything.....how they sound as sweet little babies, to how they talk as precious four year old to the sassy preteen. I am so scared of forgetting these things. I know I already have forgotten so many things and it breaks my heart.

Each one of my babies I have held and thought, that surely I wouldn't forget how they smell, how they look and how they feel in my arms...... I can hardly remember those moments. It is so so sad to me. I always thought the 'baby' stages of my life were going to be the longest, but I am finding out how really quickly they pass.

I am so grateful for such a beautiful family and I love my babies so much. I am going to try harder to record my life's joys. The silly, the obnoxious, the crazy things we do. All I want is the best for us, and I want them to know how I feel about them.
Ugh, the ache that I am feeling right now, is so incredible......If I died today would they know?? Would this little blog be enough for them? Have I written enough about them, about my feelings for them, about my feelings in general?? I am good on the whole sarcastic thing....I pretty much have that down. :) I just hope that that isn't all I have.

I do know for sure that I am extremely blessed and lucky to have the life I live.





5 comments:

Misty said...

Thanks for this Sarah. I think we all need to be reminded to step back and remember what really matters, what we'll really care about 20 years down the road. Hope you have a good day, love you!

Jan said...

Beautiful comments and well put. I remember being a young mom with a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a screaming newborn (who screamed for 18 mo.) and calling my mom crying myself and telling her I just wanted them to grow up. Her response was not to wish that away because it would go way too fast -- and I thought she was crazy. But (duh!) of course she was right. Take some time, think, drink it in and remember.

Stephanie said...

You're awesome! Thanks so much for sharing some great thoughts. It is so true that we should always stop to smell the roses for you must always live today like it is your last. These are actual Darrell words. I would imagine, and it sounds from your thoughts, that children and family only make that ring more true.
Thanks Again.

Natalie said...

You just about made me ball. I feel just the same...ditto...I love you and I know you are doing a great job as a mom and I know that your kids know how much you love them.

Jenny Doan said...

What ever time you are in in life is pretty much the best ever. You can't really go back or forward so love where you are. We could kick ourselves all day for the what ifs, but what matters is today. And really what ever you forget you children will remind you!...and then you get to laugh all over again! I love you and you are a good mom and a good women!