Monday, 17 March 2008
Not really sure what is going to come out as I type this. I have alot of things running through my head right now. I have seen several self-portrait challenges lately and this has been one of those things I have avoided. Well, today has been a great, busy, pretty happy day for me despite several factors that could be really depressing! :) Either way, I have been very upbeat, and I just figured what the heck, lets do that self portrait thing.
I held the camera as far back as I could and this is the best I got. But let me tell you, this was worse than looking in the mirror for me. It is strange to try to explain the emotion I felt, looking through and trying to edit one of these images. I really don't have a lot of pictures of myself, and to be quite honest I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. Have you ever really looked at yourself....deeply. I mean really studied your face? As I did this I wondered who I was, who I really was. Things like, what makes her tick, what makes her happy, what is her talent? I felt so sad for her. I felt happy for her. I felt confused.
I see someone who wants to be happy. Who wants to help people, be creative, who wants to be a good Mom. Someone who wants to love and be loved. Someone who wants respect, acceptance, someone who is dying to be thin, who wants loyal friends, and especially wants to laugh. What do you see when you look at yourself?
I did not intend on this being so emotional. It is a weird feeling to be so raw, so open with myself.
I want to see that twinkle in my eye. I didn't. I think I have lost my twinkle. Bummer.