Monday, 17 March 2008

Ummm...


Not really sure what is going to come out as I type this. I have alot of things running through my head right now. I have seen several self-portrait challenges lately and this has been one of those things I have avoided. Well, today has been a great, busy, pretty happy day for me despite several factors that could be really depressing! :) Either way, I have been very upbeat, and I just figured what the heck, lets do that self portrait thing.
I held the camera as far back as I could and this is the best I got. But let me tell you, this was worse than looking in the mirror for me. It is strange to try to explain the emotion I felt, looking through and trying to edit one of these images. I really don't have a lot of pictures of myself, and to be quite honest I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror. Have you ever really looked at yourself....deeply. I mean really studied your face? As I did this I wondered who I was, who I really was. Things like, what makes her tick, what makes her happy, what is her talent? I felt so sad for her. I felt happy for her. I felt confused.
I see someone who wants to be happy. Who wants to help people, be creative, who wants to be a good Mom. Someone who wants to love and be loved. Someone who wants respect, acceptance, someone who is dying to be thin, who wants loyal friends, and especially wants to laugh. What do you see when you look at yourself?

I did not intend on this being so emotional. It is a weird feeling to be so raw, so open with myself.
I want to see that twinkle in my eye. I didn't. I think I have lost my twinkle. Bummer.
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9 comments:

100 Percent Cottam said...

i LOVE that photo! you look gorgeous. and i see an AMAZING woman & mama. you really are fabulous!

Chris and Tara Mason said...

I don't know if this helps any, but I always see a twinkle in your eye when we are together! Thank you for sharing your thoughts - they were honest and beautifully written! Don't be so hard on yourself - you ARE the wonderful person that you want to be!

Jan said...

What a beautiful picture of you. As for your twinkle? It's there. I promise, it still is. You're lovely, bright, creative and funny -- and I love you tons!

Misty said...

I love this Sarah! You of all people have always got that Twinkle, and you're amazing. I don't know why this time has been so tough for a lot of us emotionally, but you are truly an amazing person that I really admire. So keep your head up and just be glad to know that the person you want to be is what all of us see in you, you just have to find it in yourself. :o) Love ya!

Laura said...

I'm a big fan of introspection. It gets to the meat of YOU and though it leaves you feeling vulnerable... it needs to be done every once in a while. I remember after Lincoln died I hated looking in the mirror because I saw the grief on my face. I felt a million years old. It's amazing to me how life paints it's picture on our faces. I watched an episode of Monk the other day and Adrian was talking about his wife's wrinkles around her eyes and he said that those were his wrinkles; he had put them there by making her laugh so much. I liked that. I also agree with Misty. I truly believe that people see the best in us--everything we want to be ends up shining through somehow. I don't know you very well, only meeting in person once... but I left laughing and smiling after talking with you. You're a great person and oh so fun!

Jen M said...

It hard for us to see ourselves as others do, but rest assured, as everyone here has said it well, we do see all those wonderful things about you! I've thought the very same things when looking at a photo of myself...I try to look at my face like I'm looking at someone else and I wonder the same things sometimes. Thank you for being so open, and for sharing your self-portrait - which is awesome! Love those bright eyes and that Mona Lisa grin.

Mindi said...

i hate every single picture taken of myself since the dawn of time. i don't know you personally, but from what i see on your blog, there is lots of sparkle--shine on, sister!!

Amanda & AJ said...

I see the twinkle!! You are AMAZING! I would take the study your self in the mirror challenge but i don't think it would be a good idea to study myself in a mirror right now. i would probably just fall apart... and end up crying in front of the mirror. haha. I love your guts and cant wait to see you!!

Alicia said...

Sarah,

How I love you, you are truly all those things. You have that twinkle and I saw it on your visit with us. I enjoyed seeing it and being a part of it, I thank you for sharing it. You made me feel so much better in a time that my twinkle seems faded. We all have those moments of questioning ourselves but as I read these comments, we all agree that you are beautiful and amazing, inside and out. The picture is beautiful, it is you!
XXXOOO,
Alicia